Actor transforms grown woman into hysterical teenager!

I've always been quite proud to admit I've never been an hysterical fan. When I watch young girls screaming and crying as some slightly talented teenage boys lip-sync in front of them, I often find my top lip involuntarily lifting in disdain... that was until last night... 

This was me inside a slightly older body with darker hair... (key word slightly)

I am lucky enough to work for a corporate sponsor of the Sydney Theatre Company and I therefore get to attend a few opening nights a year. Now this particular opening night was almost going to hit the scrap heap of many of my social possibilities, in favour of sleeping, so as to deal with mr 4 and 5 the next day. Knowing it was Cyrano de Bergerac and Richard Roxborough I thought, in my constant state of exhaustion, "drag yourself along" and so I did. 

As usual the luminescent Cate Blanchett floated past me at the pre-show function, and as in the other few times I have seen her, I admired her Grace Kelly-like elegance, but coolly continued my champers and conversations with my colleagues (that wasn't the case the first time I saw her by the way). 

Looking forward to what turned out to be a great production, I had no idea that the state teenage girls seemingly often find themselves in was my destiny in a few short minutes. The whisper of one of the gorgeous STC staff produced such an effect as the words "Robert Redford" were matched to some other words, namely, "do you know who's here with Cate?". 

My jaw dropped in shock "Nooooo" left my mouth around 4 times as I struggled with this reality, my breath and adrenaline. And there I was morphed within seconds into a fluttering teenage groupie out of control and hell bent on seeing, talking, touching this actor prior to fainting.  

Now just to be clear, I am not the type that gets giddy, I mean I would be completely giggly if Gerard Butler or Ryan Gosling were having a drink within metres of me, but I would probably approach them more for the selfie-fame than because I literally couldn't stop myself. 

Robert Redford on the other hand represented something altogether different, I mean he's in his 70s so it wasn't lust, it was more like my life flashed before my eyes. Don't get me wrong I'm not that old, but I am lucky enough to have a Mum with amazing movie taste and I watched Robert Redford and Paul Newman from a very young age. 

Of course I became Katie in the 'The Way We Were' hopelessly in love with Hubbell, I was also Karen in 'Out of Africa', jelly in Denys' hands, and later after I was married I was Diana and Annie, tempted away from monogamy in 'Indecent Proposal' and 'The Horse Whisperer' by his easy confidence and determination. The guy has been every man I wanted and couldn't have, stringing me along for years and there he was the real representation of my fantastical romantic history, just standing there. Shiiittttt!

Alas social etiquette kicked in and I was held down by two STC staff...well not really but that's how it felt as I was being drawn to him like metal to a magnet. Instead I had to stand still and pretend I was so important myself, being a fellow "VIP" (as if!), that Robert Redford was nothing to me. 

As I walked away from what I knew was my one chance to make a complete ar5e of myself I was philosophical about not getting to hear his unmistakeable voice ... comforting myself that it was for the best and it may have smashed my fantasy about the legend with a less than extraordinary reaction to what would have been a huge foot in mouth moment from me... then I metaphorically slapped myself in the head and began to figure out how I could get another chance! 

So Robert Redford you still may have to endure 2 minutes of raving compliments at some time in your not too distant future. Hopefully it will be fun and flattering - well I can only continue to dream! "Looooooovvvvveeee yoooooooooouuuuuu!" ah argghhh arrrrrrrr *cue hysterics* 

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Yoga - girly pastime or extreme sport?

My gorgeous svelte neighbour got me into Yoga earlier this year and I thought I would go along to relax and chill-out. You know get in touch with my inner self and all that palava, I mean I was kinda desperate being a corporate tragic with two boys under five. Half way through I was dripping with sweat trying to get my arms behind my ears with my arse in the air. It was FULL on. 

Downward facing dog - more like downward facing agony with breathing added in so you don't die. I was shocked! 

And at times when doing planks and upward dogs, downward dogs at speed I took the option of collapsing on my face to recover, the instructor said it was ok and that I was in child pose (she was being nice!)

Although you wouldn't know it to look at me now I was once a rower, I even did surfboats for a season, so I have subjected myself to all sorts torture many times over (6km erg tests are the worst). And unlike the one person in the world that stopped rowing in a race, that happened to happen in the Olympics, I'm like the other 99.99999% of them and never have. So being done in by Yoga, was a little bit of a surprise, albeit (eventually) a pleasant one. 

There is a reason, I discovered, why there are Yoga studios popping up on every single street corner, it is a weird juxtaposition of spirituality and physical exertion that makes it so amazing. What other sport do you feel like your inner being is being worked on while your hamstrings scream in agony. It is completely illogical and completely effective. 

The eagle pose - note the sweat people - hardcore.... 

I was lucky enough to be at a resort for two weeks that had Yoga most mornings so I went along and found that my downward facing dog started to get less agonising even within an hour and a half. I also noticed my shoulders that normally are attached to my ears dropped a little more after each class. My 'question mark' body normally curved around a device was straightening out and turning the other way (?) and it seemed that maybe some more blood was getting to my brain. 

Look my point is quite simply if you are a hardcore cardio tragic and you think Yoga would be too light for your amazing VO2 then think again, it will be right up your alley and it might calm you down at the same time as working the crap out of your bunched up muscles.

Do it peeps - it so rocks, even for rowers, runners, spin-junkies and any other psychotic sport-types. Namaste!

Update: Discovered hot yogi that can only be described as a walking muscle at my local - even happier now!

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How to do the celebrity intercept with substance and no style - Marc Newson

This celebrity behaviour started a long time ago, I think it is somehow related to one of two things: I'm either out of touch with reality so badly that I think they would actually want to talk to a stranger, or the one I prefer, that my reality is they are just human, like me and so why wouldn't they chat to someone friendly with a big smile???!!!! (I think the words "like me" are what's wrong with my justification)

Would you say no to this look? It was 14 years ago but I'm sure I recognise it...

Yet it is what it is and no amount of working out 'why' is going to stop me it seems. The following is the story of my first celebrity intercept, yes this is where all the craziness started, and how I have times be labelled, wrongly I might add, as a stalker (thank you Joe Hildebrand!). 

It all started back in the year 2000, I was heading to a gala evening celebrating the lighting of the Opera House for the first time, this was the father of VIVID. A man I had admired due mainly to his creation of quite a few biomorphic metal objects, was going to be there as he had designed the lighting. And as I had designed the event identity nothing was going to stop me from talking to this gorgeous fellow designer, marc newson. Think gluon, orgone or as I did at the time, embryo...

I think he was wearing orange - can't believe I remember that, I think he was single too. I unfortunately had my then boyfriend there with me, but this was a minor moral bump that I happily skipped over as I approached my idol. "I loved him way before I'd even met my boyfriend" I rationalised. 

I started quite normally explaining my bower-bird-like attraction to his bright shiny objects (we're talking furnishings at this point people) and that I had designed the identity on the flags all over Circular Quay with his 'neon' signature within it. Which he did confirm was a designed identity rather than the real thing, "Oh yeah of course", like I knew that, arggh, it was going well...not. 

Just in case you thought this was a work of fiction. 

Just when it looked like I had escaped an awkward moment, out of the blue and with little context I blurt out "So are you making any money yet?". This does cause him pause, I suddenly see myself through his still, wide eyes and time slows as his thoughts form in a bubble above his head "wow, gold-digging and proud of it, interesting", his turn to spin a little white lie, "a little yes..." 

Mortified by now I try to start explaining at high speed, "Sorry, no, it's just that I watched a documentary a few years ago and you said there was no money in Industrial design and I studied Industrial design but have never practised it because yes there seems to be no money in it, nor any jobs and of course I'm not as talented as you and I was just interested because I only earn..." and on I went, I can't even remember the rest as it blurred into pure desperation transformed into lots and lots of words.  

By now he was smiling, amused by my lack of filter, I can only presume, or maybe impressed by my ability to verbosely back pedal, seemingly make logical sense at the same time as flirting. Our conversation was just levelling out and he was kinda getting friendly, he even complimented some brightly coloured thing I was wearing. Well that's what I was telling myself, when my boyfriend wandered over. Celebrity intercept almost turning into groupie evening foiled, damn. I did the polite thing and introduced them and in true rock star celebrity-style Marc moved pragmatically on. Let's face it there were probably ten of me at every event he went to, and the other nine were quite possibly a lot cooler, inconceivable!? 

The celebrity lesson here? No it's not "don't ask celebrities how much money they make", and it's definitely not "leave them alone you groupie weirdo", I'm sure he was at least entertained. It is without a doubt - if you are going out with someone and you realise you want to go home with Marc Newson instead, chances are you're with the wrong guy. We broke up soon after, but unfortunately not as a result of me running off and living in London on a Lockheed Lounge. Damn!

Fortunately for you there are more stories like this to come - so stay tuned and if you follow my tips I'm guessing you may learn from my mistakes and end of bagging Prince Harry or something... but probably not if you have a couple of kids and are married... we can just dream. 

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How to do the celebrity intercept so they never forget you (but wish they could)

I am one of those annoying members of the public that more often than not will say g'day and start a conversation with a celebrity I admire. Sometimes I get a picture of reality that stops me (and I don't mean a selfie!) but if I've had a wine...no such red flag appears and off I pop.

Not sure if it is my alcohol sozzled brain or just the nervousness I can't fully shake but usually if I do end up striking up a conversation with a famous person, more often than not I say something somewhere between plain embarrassing and truly startling. 

My latest was closer to startling though. Over the weekend when engaging in what was a conversation going in a seemingly charming way with Hugo Weaving, I suddenly stated that Shakespeare's writing was "so bad". Now on its own it was a statement that would silence any room, but I happened to be talking to someone who had just come off the stage and out of the character, Macbeth. 

Hugo Weaving and Andrew Upton as happy as only two thorns between two roses could be...

What I was trying to say obviously in an incomprehensible way was how dirty his writing was and the context was I was surprised that students studied Macbeth as a result, at this point Hugo's smile was replaced with a wtf-type expression, "bad?" he almost exclaimed, and then upon my back pedalling explanation "what's wrong with sex?" he almost barked, at this point my husband was shaking his head and I was saved by another Hugo-admirer who probably thought Shakespeare was quite a talented bloke. Needless to say even with the screams of nipples, loins and blood the play was amazing, but not as amazing as this particular celebrity intercept by me. Bravo!

The one before that was with a man made of equal parts crazy, intelligence and generosity - Joe Hildebrand. Generous 'cause he publishes my better opinion pieces, thank you Joe!!!!! and says things like "I like your blog"... *writer faints from shock*. 

When I was lucky enough to steal half an hour of his time for some real writer to try-hard writer advice, he went so far as to confirm on the phone to his producer, in front of me no less, that I was definitely a stalker, but a well-dressed, articulate one so it was all ok. She was obviously worried for him...when I expressed regret at ruining his life with my so-called stalking (just because Joe, his producer and my husband say it, doesn't mean its true), he gorgeously said "yes poor me, having to deal with adoration from intelligent, attractive women, its terrible". I instantly forgave him as any good stalker, I mean grateful fan would. 

In any case I think I almost made it out alive from that encounter, and by alive I mean with some shred of dignity left but only just and Joe's too kind to correct me on that one... well I'm hoping he is?!

Then there was the brilliant Claudia Karvan. That started well as I am a complete sucker for most of her series', lately Puberty Blues had rocked my world so I was keen to chat about her fantastic character in the show. I was such a fan I couldn't remember her character's name, nor that of her husband in the show who's character I also adored. She responded well to this as of course she quite liked the character too and told me how teenage girls have been expressing disdain over her characters' fall from conservative grace. But as she patiently filled in yet another blank that of her previous series name, Love my way, and that of its creator I think some level of awareness came over me and I moved on and away from the poor woman. Here's a tip, if you are planning on approaching a celeb do a quick wikipedia scan in the lead up, or just don't be so busy you cant remember what day it is let alone details about TV series!

Think she is looking to be saved by someone!

Now sometimes my celebrity intercepts are not complete trainwrecks, like the really fun conversation I had with Wippa at a charity weekend away, he actually seemed relieved to be talking to someone that evening. Woohoo. Maybe I'll ask him if I can mind his new pet piglet one day just to push our interactions into the norm of my other celebrity relationships...hmmm there's more where these came from stay tuned for more examples of how to make friends and influence really influential peeps or more accurately how not to!

No celebrities were harmed during or prior to the production of this blog post...well not physically any way, there is a chance they have been mentally scarred but they haven't contacted me to confirm that...yet...

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A lifetime of beauty in a song

I can't say that this song is going to make your day because it makes me sad yet it inspires me at the same time. But It somehow captures a lifetime in minutes and I am at the same time grieving the end as much as celebrating the wonder of what is now and possible. 

Because life in all it's forms always contains at least elements of beauty. The unique outlook each individual has, what they see is what no one else ever will. We are all watching our own movie and whatever scene you are up to, one thing is for sure it is yours and yours alone, to cherish and keep, locked in your beautiful mind. 

Townsville has obviously been harbouring some deep, mesmerising souls in 'Middle East' 

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Five years of Fun... gone in a heartbeat!

It seems like only yesterday I was lying in bed begging my husband to unwind a painfully cramped foot nearly every night...At the same time my frowned upon but life-long love of tummy sleeping also came suddenly to a non-negotiable end, replaced with the unbearable side sleeping position, that five years on I now love. 

But all the woes of being heavily pregnant melted away upon first seeing my perfectly-formed firstborn through a 3D ultrasound and recognising my father's and my distinctive nose recreated again (poor thing!). That feeling of wonder and ignorant joy will always be with me, and is easily recalled despite the five years of exhaustion that followed this new human's arrival into the world. 

He was the sort of baby strangers were drawn to with his ocean blue eyes staring intently back at them, drawing in information from the start. Now he is a little man, as thoughtful, sensitive and intelligent as he was as a baby, but with a hardcore Lego habit and energy that could light a city. 

Happy fifth birthday M - the first huge love of my life xxxx

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LOST...RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman

RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman 1967 - 2014

As we watch another star at the height of success fall, none of us really know what happens within a mind capable of creating such art. We just sit, confused about what lead to the world's and indeed his gorgeous young family's great loss. All we can do now is remember, and this scene below although not his most acclaimed, has long been my favourite. 

We will deeply miss this force of nature that was Philip Seymour Hoffman. 

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Leukaemia meet a supermum, gorgeous friend and unassuming genius... now get lost!

Your hair's a little shorter now

but your smile is unmistakeable

Your resilience is being challenged

by life's great enemy and its barbaric cure

Bravery awe-inspiring

vulnerability only showing how strong you truly are

Bandana as cool as your even temper

If only those who saw it knew that being you, even now, is lucky!

I'm sure I've bumbled through my visits 

the fear and helplessness sneaking into my eyes

as I desperately hide myself behind an inane story about work

But I know you see me

I know your insightfulness

nothing escapes your astute eye

even poisonous chemicals won't take that from you 

You are a rare one, sharp as a tack, 

Loved by so many

Feared by some I'm sure

but I will be there to help you strike fear into this cowardly disease

and I know there will be many of us trying to beat it away from you

I wish I wish I wish I could take more of the battle on

but please when you think you can't stand, on those inevitable down days

remember all of our love will be there to hold you up 

so you can see the light at the end of this 5 month tunnel. 

And in case you don't know - you are my hero...
and I'm so honoured to be your friend.

xxxxxxxxxx

Dedicated to an amazing woman bravely fighting Leukaemia... please sponsor me in the World's Greatest shave... I'm colouring but will shave it all off if I get over $2k!!! VISIT http://my.leukaemiafoundation.org.au/wideeyedgirl

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